I got a question from a mother who is going through tough times on multiple fronts. If you join my email newsletter (there’s plenty of places to sign up, such as at the bottom of this article), you can reply to an email with your question, and I will try to help you.
As the title of this article hints, she’s failing at most areas of life. Let’s call her Dana (not her real name)
I don’t tend to address issues like this because it attracts people I can’t help (even if I want to). My content is focused more on high achievers who can execute. But this time, I was compelled to answer (and post this with her permission) because it was so emotional, genuine, and almost everything I’ve released online started because I was like this women and wanted to learn how to get better. I want to add some value here, even if my tips won’t solve everything.
I’ve posted a shortened version of Dana’s question and my answer to help anyone going through something similar:
I’m 55 years old and a single mom of 3.
I have been divorced for just over 11 years. My oldest son has Aspergers. So this had kept me home for a good portion of his upbringing. He is now 21.
When I was younger.. and I mean in my 20’s, I was confident, assertive. Happy go lucky. I was a pursuer (head flight attendant on international flights for a prominent airline), I could make decisions quickly, without a second thought, no second guessing. And I never doubted myself. I always knew what I needed to do or wanted to do. No matter what it was in regards to. My life, health wise, relationship wise, financial, family, ect.
I grew up pretty much alone. Living on my own since I was 16. I married at 28. My ex-husband was an alcoholic and emotionally abusive. This was the initial decent into depression for me.
I lost all my friends because I was not allowed to see anyone, in a round about way. We only hung out with his friends, or family.
So after a time, my friends stopped coming around.
Anyways, after years of emotional abuse, and becoming permanently disabled myself at 40, I divorced him.
I was so happy to be away from him. Having taken my kids away, to a happier place. It was a fresh start.
But I started to realize I had no friends, most my family was in other areas of the country. And since I was disabled and with no money, well.. it started to take its toll.
I am unable to work outside the home, so I didn’t have as much opportunity to meet people for friends or romantic relationships.
After one severely failed relationship, my depression started to spiral even more so. It’s hard to always be alone. And no matter how positive you try to be, when no one wants to be in a relationship with you because they are older and do not want younger children, especially someone else’s or they want a newer model (what I call younger women) and most women my age (for friendship) are too busy with their own crap.
So not only am I depressed, I have no one to talk to, I have lost all my friends, and I have no one in my life relationship wise, and the way I see myself and life has changed dramatically.
I am no longer the positive, quick thinking, know what I need to do person that I use to be.
Half the time, I cant figure out what to wear every day. Or what to make for dinner.
My kids don’t talk to me, and have little or no respect for me.
So Will, if you can write an article about taking a person from the dumps and building them up to at least feeling some semblance of happiness and confidence again, I would very much appreciate it because I honestly don’t know where to start.
My Response and Advice:
Thanks for the heartfelt message.
Wow. I’m no miracle worker and this seems to be a really tough situation.But I can try my best to help guide you towards the right path.
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