In this podcast, I interview Mike “SquattinCassanova”, an Asian dating coach.
We talk about:
- are Asian men undateable?
- the insecurities we deal with
- the differences in race when it coming to dating
- struggles Asian American millennial men have in dating
- the importance of not blaming or feeling like you deserve anything
- how we can become strong, masculine Asian men and why it matters
- the importance of having a positive mental attitude and not having a victim mentality
- what you missed out on growing up that you should do more of to improve (hint: includes team sports and socializing)
- the differences between male and female mate value (preview: unlike females, male mate value rise into their late 30’s)
- Elliot Rodger
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My thoughts on pick up artists
You’re probably wondering what I think about Asian pick up artists (PUA’s) and “playboys.” I prefer Tucker Max’s honest, non-gimmicky dating strategy, based on his book What Women Want. This focuses on improving science-backed pillars of attraction, including emotional intelligence, assertiveness, and physical fitness, over the long term.
Anything short-term where you are using tricks to fake how you are seem distasteful and built on pillars of sand.
But it’s always good to test your assumptions. Mike’s points throughout the interview were all on-point about how improving with dating in a healthy, lasting way.
Eliminate negative mindsets and excuses
If you study any successful person, whether it’s Gary Vaynerchuk or Oprah Winfrey, they don’t let their struggles (poverty, blatant racism, abuse) hold them back. Rather than sitting there and complaining about it, which accomplishes nothing, they strive to succeed despite their obstacles.
Many Asian Millennial men have such negative, defeatist, victim mentalities. I, for one, am not going to do this anymore. I want to succeed, like Will Smith or Bruce Lee, so I’m going to lead by example. I took a vow to stop complaining about anything 2 years ago and I’m still goign strong.
I want to emphasize that you have more potential than you ever think and there is a lot more awesome stuff in this world than just women (travel, building great businesses, improving your fitness, family, impacting the world, and anime to name a few).
Tucker Max said something that stuck with me. Whether or not you girls like you does not mean you are a bad person. That’s just how they’re biologically wired.
Don’t get all your validation from the approval of someone else, especially a stranger. Your value and amazingness is independently your’s regardless of what others think, something Gary Vaynerchuk talks about.
On role models: Sometimes, you have to see it to believe it
Most Asian males haven’t seen an Asian guy with swag or an actual interracial Asian couple. Without role models, they find it hard in an American culture to succeed. This content may help:
Here is the internationally famous boy band, BTS. Check out their other music videos too; they’re lit:
It seems like Asian American men have lost all their confidence and balls ever since Bruce Lee died a few decades ago. Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean we fall apart.
If anything, he should be more of an inspiration than ever before. Bruce came to America with nothing but a dream to become the highest paid Asian actor. Towards the end of his life he accomplished that, married a white woman, and had children. Keep in mind this was when people were much more up front about their racism with Asians and Blacks. Segregation had just recently ended.
If he can do that back then, we can do more now. Bruce exuded charisma and made everyone he came into contact with into a friend and a fan, so much so that celebrities of all backgrounds and ethnicities, from Kobe Bryant to Dana White to Mike Tyson, have come out in a documentary to honor him.
But maybe you’re not like Bruce. That’s fine.
I’m not like Bruce. I stutter. If you watch his interviews, Bruce was smooth and sure of every word he said. I’m a shy introvert. Bruce was focused and confident.
Even Bruce says that you should be yourself rather than try to duplicate someone else’s personality. Find who you are, discover your own style, and work on being truly yourself.
“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” -Bruce Lee
Don’t get so hung up on race. It’s going to bring you down. I know how tough it is myself to not do this but you can’t let it limit your potential.
This is not to discount the unique problems and upbringing that Asian Americans experience that have made us this way. It’s about focusing on what you can control and taking responsibility to change your life rather than do nothing about it.
Don’t chase an ethnicity because you think it’ll look cooler to others. Go after whatever you like yourself.
- Mike destroying excuses on interracial dating
- Kevin Kreider’s TED talk on redefining Asian masculinity
- Kevin Kreider, an Asian fitness trainer, talks Asian male masculinity
- The ABC’s of Attraction, a dating company started by JT Tran, an Asian PUA
- Eliot Chang, a successful Asian comedian, has a playlist of 100 videos on dating tips
- Jeremy Lin speaks out on Asian masculinity (he agrees with all the problems and stereotypes and says more people should speak up)
- Wong Fu Production’s fantastic skit on Asian American interracial dating, Yellow Fever 2. I really recommend this video. It’s the most thorough, accurate, and fair depiction of the different perspectives involved, even though it was made to entertain.
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