Category: Dating
top 5 masculinity manly books for men

5 Essential Books You Must Read on Masculinity and Becoming a Man

When it comes to self help books for men, the books I recommend may not be what you expect. They’re not tactical books on improving your habits or focus. They’re books that dive deeper and focus on the inner psychology that are preventing you from taking action on the tactics you read about it. This may includes books on building the fundamental traits of a healthy man.

We currently live in at an era where many men are frustrated and functioning far from their potential.

We’re angry, frustrated, fearful, or anxious with our situation or lack of results and if we will stay in this plateau forever.

It’s not completely your fault. Society and your upbringing may have failed you. Many of the strong fundamentals of becoming an attractive man, like a coming of age rite of passage, male role models, and exposure the benefits of assertiveness and aggression were eliminated in your upbringing thanks to the modern world.

Because of this, many men lack strong friendships with other men, a spine to stand up for themselves or others, or the ability to effectively behave as a man, which can damage their success in their career, dating life, ability to make male friends, or romantic relationship.

A few books have helped me see what has occurred and how to improve it. You see, I’m a stereotypical nice guy. I’m overly passive, I’m scared of conflict, I dwell on anxiety for too long, I please for approval, and I have done kind things expecting something back.

I’ve learned that false belief systems prevent us from getting the results we want but we cling onto them hoping our results will change. I discovered that our beliefs came from a mixture of possible factors including radical feminism views that demonized male traits like assertiveness or dominance, lack of male role models and friends growing up, having few male teachers, past trauma with interactions with other men, and the rise of cities to replace towns.

This modernization of the world has removed vital parts of what we genetically need to become attractive, functional men in society. Our happiness and social skills could be low because of a lack of a tribe to develop strong, recurring relationships. Our extreme views on assertiveness and expressing sexuality could cause so much shame that we never stand up for ourselves or express romantic interest. Our lack of strong friendships could dramatically cripple our dating lives, emotional intelligence, and mental health.

Watch the video below for the five books that will help change your life as a man:

Disclaimer: I am not blaming women for all my problems. I am simply trying to have higher quality relationships with men as friends and women romantically in my life. I want to do that by working on my emotional behaviors (or Nice Guy qualities) that are holding me back from an evolutionary biology perspective. 

I added this disclaimed because I was asked if I knew about the MGTOW, Red Pill, and Pick Up Artist communities. I’m aware they exist but some of their philosophies are filled with toxic, creepy, extreme hatred and blame towards women or extremist views on how things should be done. I choose not to follow their stuff.

Once again, the books mentioned are:

  1. Way of Men by Jack Donovan
  2. The Way of Superior Men by David Deida
  3. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover
  4. What Women Want by Dr. Geoffrey Miller and Tucker Max
  5. Single, Shy, and Looking for Love: A Dating guide for the Shy & Socially Anxious by Shannon Kolakowski, PsyD

If you go through my link to a book to Amazon, I will get a commission at no extra cost to you.

Now, I’d like to hear from you. Is there a book I missed that really helped you? Has any piece of advice, influencer, or book impacted your life positively in your journey to become a better man? Let me know in the comments below.

Views – 99

A Beginner’s Guide to CrossFit: I Tried It Out For A Year

You know the problem with all the “beginner’s guide to CrossFit” articles on the web? They’re all written by people who never actually experienced Crossfit for an extended period of time.Instead, they’re telling you what it’s like based on a handful of visits, hearsay, their own opinions, interviewing a trainer (or salesman), myths, superstitions, and false assumptions.

It’s been over a year since I started doing CrossFit. During that time, I went on four or five times a week to one of their classes (they call them WODs, work-outs-of-the-day). I want to profile my review of CrossFit so far, and for once, you’re going to hear it from someone who is naturally pretty skeptical and hasn’t “drank the Koolaid.” There are definitely some myths that need to be shattered.

I want to share with you the truth about CrossFit from someone who has actually been through it, show you my results, and give you my review.

What is CrossFit?

CrossFit is a training program that focuses on increasing your general athletic fitness across numerous cross-training areas, including cardiovascular, stamina, strength, flexibility, speed, agility and so on.

It started by focusing on training police and military. Since then, it has branched out to train everyone, including the average middle-aged mother.

In simple terms, it is cross fitness training. Your goal is to become healthy and fit across numerous areas. Think decathlon versus sprinting.

You’re more of a generalist than a specialist. You may not lift the most weight in a specific lift or run the farthest or fastest in another. But on average across all these metrics, you score higher than most others. And technically, you can be a specialist at CrossFit by competing in the Crossfit Games, which throws a wide variety of tests each year to test you in all these areas.

Keep Reading

Views – 628

Ultimate Mens Dating Guide

Mate by Tucker Max Book Summary and Review: The New Science of Female Attraction

A few years ago, I discovered the world of online dating advice. At the time, I felt like I had discovered a super power. Until that point, I thought that your success with women was fixed and there was nothing you could do about it. Finding out there were techniques I could use immediately to improve was like discovering the holy grail.

Unfortunately, these tactics and “blueprints” were horrible. They were inaccurate and produced few results. Dating coaches and pick up artists claimed to have found the “science of attraction” but it was a pseudoscience at best. They really just shot at the dark and taught what worked. It was far from a rigorous scientific process. 

Now, that has changed. In the last two decades, tons of new experiments have been done by actual scientists on attraction. There is a lot more data you can trust and the results can be counter-intuitive. This is the men’s dating guide I wish I received years ago. And it’s all here for you for free.

The lessons I learned and will share come from a book called Mate: Become the Man Women Want. The book is based on extensive research on into evolutionary biology and mating. A man who is really good with women (Tucker Max) partnered up with a Ph.D. to go through thousands of shocking studies.

Humans are lucky creatures because there are so many areas (behavioral, social, fitness, mental health, fashion, etc.) we can improve. Other animals are screwed with what they were born with (like how long their antlers are).

Keep Reading

Views – 547

Are your 20s really the best time of your life?

Myth Debunked: Are your twenties really the best years of your life?

For the last few years of my life, I was constantly in a state of frustration and haste. Why? Because I thought I had wasted the best years of my life.

I was told by media, Hollywood, peers, and adults that your twenties are the best years of your life. I even asked one of my friends to confirm if it was true, “Once I get a job, is it all downhill from here?”

“Yes, it is,” he replied. He had bought into the idea as well.

Despite all my hurried attempts to seize that time, it just wasn’t happening. I didn’t have the money, status, or extroversion to party it up with beautiful supermodels.

And then, something happened. I realized the whole thing was a lie.

Are your twenties really the best years of your life?

No matter what age you are in life, you may have had this idea pop-up. Death is coming. It’s over from here. It’s only going to get worse. Even being the positive self-help enthusiast I am, I couldn’t help but to buy into this and fall into a quarter-life crisis. Where was the proof this wasn’t true?

Then, I stumbled into this beautiful mid-life crisis story by Alice Schroeder, the author of Warren Buffett’s biography The Snowball. This is from her Reddit Ask Me Anything:

warren buffett mid life crisis story

Your twenties aren’t the end. They’re just the beginning. But as Alice mentioned, it’s worth it if you can invest in your experiences so that they compound into an avalanche of unexpected positive events later on in life.

In this podcast episode, I will share with you:

  • studies from the science of happiness on what really matters.
  • new evolutionary science on how your biological clock relates to this.
  • experiences and shocking lessons learned from men who are highly successful with women (some of who started as losers).

Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher so you can get access to all the episodes whenever you want:

Will's Personal Development Podcast

Will's Personal Development Podcast

Show Notes: Other Helpful Resources

Check out the previous podcast episode I did on being rich but happy. There are some great resources in the Show Notes, especially Dan Bilzerian’s interview, which are relevant to this discussion.

Views – 822

The “Less Things, More Happiness” Challenge – Day 2

It is Day 2 of the Less Things, More Happiness Challenge. As a reminder, the goal of this challenge is to improve my long-term happiness through science-backed practices and avoid doing it through spending money or materialistic possessions.

Remember that this is a collaborative challenge. Feel free to do the exercises in the challenge with me so you can improve as well.

On Day 1, I spent too long rambling and thinking so I committed to do less for Day 2. I want to focus on the happiness practices that science has proven to work.

Here is my agenda for the day:

  • Set a timer for 10 minutes.
  • Walk outside.
  • Ramble and think less.
  • Focused on two happiness practices: gratitude and savoring the good.

I ended up doing a decent job.

Here is what I did for the Savoring section of my walk

This is what I savored during my walk:

  • The different colored flowers and trees.
  • The beautiful sky with small clouds.
  • The amazing different shapes and sizes of the trees.

During my walk, I remembered I met someone from Hawaii who had lived there his whole life. For someone like me, I had fantasized about living an exotic location like that, but to him he kept saying it was overrated.

He kept focusing on the bad: the traffic, how expensive everything was, how you get over it quickly. It’s interesting to see how someone else’s trash is your treasure and how your treasure might be someone else’s trash. It is also a reminder that luxury and novelty die out fast. You get used to it and take it for granted. 

I am sure there is someone out there in the world who dreams of just having a chill life where you can look at some trees and a perfect blue sky. Yet I walk by these trees often and don’t appreciate it. Heck, I take the legs I walk on for granted. Some people cannot even walk … or speak … or see.

I had some trouble really appreciating it and not taking it for granted (it’s not a beach) but I tried and I did feel better.

Here is what I did for the Gratitude section of my walk

I kept telling myself that I was being grateful but realized half way through that I was just saying it rather than actually being grateful for anything. I started listing things out in my head to be more definitive:

  • My youth.
  • My body.
  • My arms.
  • The fact that I have access to all these free educational resources through my school, library, and the Internet (I was reminded that in this age of Information Overload, it’s more important to decide what not to read and what to read).
  • And I was most grateful for the opportunity to be born in a country with the economy that gave me the chance to achieve my dreams.

I walked past two little girls riding these new type of scooters with two wheels up front. They looked like this:

Less Things More Happiness Modern Scooter

I was brought back to a memory as a kid where I was so happy when I got a normal scooter (one wheel on front and back) because it was this “new invention.” But now, those would look obsolete and lame compared to these more modern scooters.

Less Things More Happiness Old Scooter
A mock picture of the scooters I used to ride.

It is a good reminder that:

  • Material possessions are relative. There is always something newer and shinier coming out that will only bring temporary pleasure, not long-term happiness. People used to jump up and down just for having a TV back in the days when TVs were just invented. We are the spoiled child born into a rich world, we just don’t realize it. 
  • Time flies so appreciate life and enjoy it while you can.
  • Be grateful for what you have.

It wasn’t that long ago when I was that little kid. As I watched them move around and turn corners, it was obvious that this design was better. You can turn much more smoothly.

When we’re young, the smallest of things made us dance with excitement and happiness. But as we got older, something changed. I started depending on material items, other people, and situations that we couldn’t always control for our happiness.

As the ten minutes were about to close, I realized that I had a hard time remembering the other practices that science said make us happier. I realize I need to work on that. You should have them ready to use at any time and turned into a habit.

I finally remembered also to be present. I made an attempt to really be present in the moment rather than constantly be thinking about the future, past, or some random theory or idea.

As I rounded out the 10 minutes, I paid attention to the present movement of my feet and trees. It was all kind of like meditating. Meditation is simply focusing on your breath and pushing out thoughts gently as they arise. Tim Ferriss has written a book called Tools of Titans that goes deeply into the benefits of meditation. He has interviewed hundreds of the world’s top performers and found that most of them meditate too.

I was trying to stop my thoughts so I could focus on the moment but it was hard. If a really strong thought did occur, I did not beat myself up. I let it flow through.

Why is being present important?

  • It makes you happier.
  • It makes you more attractive. Victoria’s Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr is just one example of a girl who said that in a Conan interview.

  • When you are not present with the girl, you are elsewhere and it turns her off to think that you are thinking of the future by trying to predict answers to her questions to keep the conversation going or not connecting with her by thinking of your past or doing something else. You might as well be elsewhere.

Conclusion

I want to save a day of the Challenge for volunteering. Giving your time and/or money to others (strangers or friends) can help your happiness (according to science). Look forward to that in a future day of the Challenge.

I have been putting it off because I have found it to be a waste of my precious time to do that. Plus, I am a bit selfish. I am not really that much of a giving person in that sense. I realize there are a lot of different volunteer groups for different interests (pets, homeless people, etc.) but none of them interest me at all… yet.

Volunteering is a great place to meet incredible (sometimes successful) people as well as potential dates.

Looking at my progress, I still need to work on being present. As you can see, my mind still tends to wander a lot.

Leave your thoughts and follow along with the challenge with me. I can’t wait to see you on Day 3.

Views – 426

The Red Queen by Matt Ridley Book Summary – The Evolutionary Science of Attraction

Have you ever wondered why we are attracted to what we are and why do we behave in the way we do to attract others? Why are boobs, for example, so attractive if they are just blobs of fat on the chest? Today, I am going to address those issues.  

The Red Queen is an iconic book on human and animal mating and competition based on evolutionary biology. Even though it was written over two decades ago, it remains a cornerstone book in the field with millions of copies sold. Many of the theories in the book have held through the test of time.

When it was written, it clashed with what most scientists believed. Yet nowadays, many of these beliefs are commonly held.

This is a great book to understand human science, sex, attraction, reproduction, and evolutionary biology. Here are the useful insights I learned from the book:

What is the Red Queen?

The central concept of the book is what the book was named after: The Red Queen.

“My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that.” -Alice in Wonderland

The Red Queen is a fictional character from Alice in Wonderland, who must run just to stay in place. This concept is used as an analogy for how natural selection and evolution work. All the advantages one group in a species has, which allows it to survive and reproduce, are not helpful in the next few generations because it’s passed down to everyone else. Their descendants are once again competing on an even playing field. Therefore, it’s a constant race to stay ahead.

The Red Queen concept does not only apply to competition within a species. It also applies:

  • Between species, especially hosts versus parasites or viruses. The AIDS virus, for instance, is great at coming up with new “keys” to “locks” (mutations to avoid the human immune system).
  • Male vs. female courtship (women try to evolve ways to better detect how worthy men actually are while men continue to exaggerate their attractive traits and vice versa).

Here are the lessons I learned (note: most of the points in this book are theories rather than conclusions):

  • A study asked people which imaginary person playing tennis they would find more attractive: one who was strong, competitive, dominant, and determined; another who was easily intimidated by a stronger opponent, uncompetitive, and playing for fun rather than to win. Women found the first more attractive. Men did not when the genders were switched.
    • The same scientists showed did a similar experiment. They showed two videos: one of a man with his head bowed, nodding meekly at an interviewer and another who is relaxed, leaning back, and gesturing confidently. Women found the latter more desirable and sexually attractive. Men did not when female versions were shown. It seems relaxed and confident body language matters more for male attraction. 
    • These preferences may be there because our female ancestors had to assess which men had the potential to be successful, wealthy, and/or high status one day to properly choose them and have a better chance at surviving.
the science of physical attraction
Women find men who are more competitive, dominant, confident, relaxed, and determined more attractive.
  • When surveyed on sexual fantasies, men imagined multiple partners in one sexual session and cared more about the visual and their own physical pleasure. Women imagined one partner for the whole session and focused more on their own responses their partner’s touch, feelings, and emotions. This matches the high market demand for porn from men and high demand for erotica for women. Women care less about the visual so they would rather enjoy reading text.
  • Women care much more about the demonstration and traits of status than men because it mattered a lot to her ancestors in survival and reproduction. Men care more about youth and beauty because female status did not matter much to their ancestors.
    • Interestingly, women can identify modern proofs of status that did not exist in the past. An example would be someone with a Bugatti or Armani suit. These brands and goods did not exist for her hunter-gatherer ancestors yet she can still recognize the status behind them.
  • A study by Dr. David Buss found that men care more about physical beauty while women care more about status, wealth, and power. Men are not that attracted to women who have low beauty but high status and money. When they studied high earning women in first world countries, they found that these women emphasized wealth and status more, not less, when looking for mates.
    • A similar study was done that surveyed what genders looked for but broke it down on a spectrum of long-term relationships to short-term hook-ups. For females, physical attractiveness is more important for short-term flings and how good of a husband and father you are is more important for long-term relationships.
  • Why do people care so much about how attractive the face even if the body is good? Your face tells a lot about your genetic health. Generally speaking, the more the face is a composite or “average” of all the faces in your community, the more attractive it is. Avoid extremes with parts of the face or asymmetry.
  • Men overestimate how much muscle they should have to be the most attractive. Women overestimate how skinny they should be most attractive.
  • Fashion evolved to show status, wealth, youth and beauty, to stand out, and/or to improve how physically attractive you look.  
  • Male humans are more interested in traits that signify female youth and fertility, while females are more interested in traits that show who will be a good father and husband.
    • Males for most species generally want to mate with as many mates as possible while females look for quality of partner instead. This is because females must invest more because they have to carry their children inside of them for at least 9 months and males have little-needed investment.
  • Most people are average and cannot get the limited supply of attractive people. Average men learn to settle with average women.
  • Women are better judges of character and care more about character than men because their ancestors needed to in order to find a loyal father.
    • Women care more about having a long, recognizable man of character. This is illustrated in films because famous actors are often cast to return while new actresses always appear (example: James Bond films).
scientific ways to attract women
Women are better judges of character because their ancestors had to be in order to choose a father that would stay and keep their child alive. That doesn’t mean they are perfect at it, though.
  • Females had to choose their mate long before he matured and become a tribe leader. Therefore, they had to develop accurate ways of identifying traits that indicate future success. These traits might be poise, self-assurance, optimism, perseverance, decisiveness, intelligence, ambition, and efficiency. (Note: I had to jump in here and say do not get discouraged if you are not perfect. Girls are not perfect at identifying successes even to this day despite their thousands of years of genetic programming. We all know a girl who chooses a guy that end up not being so successful.)
  • Females find men who are taller more attractive. (Again, that does not mean you are doomed if you are short. You can make up for it in other ways.)
  • It’s not about being good. It’s about how much better you are relative to everyone else. Evolution is a constant arms race.
    • It’s not how smart you are, it’s how much smarter you are to everyone else.
    • It’s not how fit you are, it’s how fitter you are to everyone else.
  • Many species are more attracted to symmetrical mates because it’s very tough to grow symmetrically and it shows you had a healthy growth period.
  • Contrary to popular belief, evolution is not about constantly evolving to be better versions of ourselves. It’s about keeping in a state of stasis free of disease and negative mutation. Evolution does not lead to utopia or perfection. It leads to what is best for one group, may be worst for another.
  • Every advantage one species has does not become an advantage anymore after a few generations. It is a constant battle.
    • Example: brown seals give birth to a few white seals, who camouflage better in the snow. But in a few generations, every other seal has the advantage as well. Plus, the browns bears hunting the seals develop white fur to camouflage as well.
  •  The creation of DNA is incredibly efficient. There are only a couple errors every million. I wonder if businesses have ever studied how DNA is created and used it to improve factory and business efficiency.
  • While fashion trends and tastes change, the waist-to-hip ratio has been a long-enduring attractive feature among all cultures. The smaller the waist, the better. Scientists theorize this is because it is hard to fake having a small waist and it is thus a good indicator of female health and fertility.  
  • We have two genders (no more and no less) and have sex because it creates variety (which increases chances of success), removes mutation, and switches up our genetic traits.
  • If species must choose between survival and reproduction, they will choose reproduction. Males in some species often die after passing on their genetics.
  • In the past, few human males mated with most of the females. This competitive process allowed for bad genetics to be rooted out of a species quickly.
  • Humans evolved large brains to outwit each other in sexual competition and to succeed in passing on their genes.
  • Honesty wins out in the long term for courtship because women eventually see through the lies.
  • A comparison of humans to their closest relatives, including chimpanzees, bonobos, and gorillas, while controlling for cultural, religious, and societal bias, was done to see biologically if they are naturally monogamists or polygamists.
    • They found that humans are biologically an intermediate species. We do not mate as excessively or have as intense sperm wars as some primate species but more so than others.
    • After doing cross-examinations of cultures that were polygamists and looking at history, results are inconclusive. It does seem that humans are a flexible species, with many possible mating patterns available to best suit their environment and survival.
  • Historically, many human civilizations had a caste system where the rulers had access to harems of thousands of children and other high-status officials had access to dozens to hundreds (depending on their status). The vast majority of males did not have access to any females and were killed or severely punished if caught messing with any females.
    • This system allowed only those at the top to be successful with women.
    • The impregnation process was very structured and factory-like, with princes required to save up sperm and meet a quota of women every day.  
    • In every one of these systems (across different cultures and locations), the rulers always had a single female mate that he considered better than all the rest. This queen was the only one who could birth children who would be considered heirs.
  •  An examination of human history reveals that power, wealth, and status were traded for sex.
    • This began when humans moved from a hunter-gatherer society to a farming society. In a hunter-gatherer society, it was beneficial to be helpful to each other. If one person had hunted extra meat, he could share it. The next day, if he did not hunt meat, another tribesman would return the favor.
    • When farming began, you could finally store food and develop systems to make much more money than other men. This evolved into less altruistic behavior and the leveraging of the resources for power, politics, and sex.
    • History also reveals that up to a third of men were killed in every generation in the distant past out of competition for sex.
      • One case study of a stranded group of a dozen men and women was shocking. When rescued, they found that only one man had survived. One died from suicide and the others died from murder due to mate competition.  
    • In certain eras, mating was dominated and controlled by religion. The average man was prevented from gaining power or having sex by strict religious rules.
      • Most of the year, you could not have sex because of days of the weeks, holidays, seasons, and tradition.
      • You could not marry anyone who was less distant than a seventh cousin, which ruled out any potential higher status female within 300 miles.
  • Biologically, women seem to prefer men with a better physique and health when ovulating, but prefer a loyal partner outside of this period. But why not both all the time? Perhaps, it is because women must compromise so they trade off in order to get the best of both worlds. Most physically fit men are usually not as loyal. They cheat to get the healthier offspring but stick with the man who is more likely to stay and raise the child. This could explain why women cheat.
    • Many others species do just this. They have females who will choose the best father for their child but secretly mate with another male with healthier genetic quality to get the offspring. Essentially, she wants to get her cake and eat it too.
  •  There is a constant “arms race” of deception going on between genders.
    • Every generation, both genders try to trick the other into thinking that they are more attractive (when they are not) and try to see through the lies of others playing the same game. It’s a classic “Red Queen” never-ending chase because they keep developing new tricks when new ways of telling the truth come out.
      • Modern examples include dying your hair blonde, fake breasts, steroids, and pretending to orgasm. 
  • Studies show that men unconsciously produce more sperm when they spend a lot less time with their mate (possibly to prevent her from getting impregnated by another) and have sex more often (as part of sperm wars).
      • When men think women are ovulating, they unconsciously try to mate with them more, get them to orgasm more, and protect them from competitors more.
      • Women sometimes cheat to mate with a man with higher health and fertility and can counter with their own deception: a fake orgasm.
  • Men like blonde women more possibly because it signifies greater youth and fertility as blonde hair started as something that only children had and moved upwards.
  • Humans probably are affected by “runaway selection”, which is when a trait does not actually help with survival or reproduction but everyone selects for it anyways, which creates a “self-fulfilling prophecy” since those who do not have it are less likely to have offspring that are successful in the mating game.  
    • Here is an example: Let’s say everyone in society prefers orange hair. Orange hair may not actually improve survival and reproduction but since everyone else prefers it, those who have offspring with people who are not orange-haired are more likely to have sons who are not orange-haired. These children will be less likely to do well with the ladies because all the ladies believe this false myth. Therefore, it actually creates an actual advantage for orange hair.  
    • Species select not just for what will help in their survival and reproduction, but what will help their children succeed more in survival and reproduction.  
  • Humans can generally identify their own mate value by gauging feedback from other people. This was shown in two ways:
    • First, a study had a group of people each have a card on their head and a number on the card (numbered from 1 to 10). No one knew what number they had themselves but they could see everyone else’s numbers. By asking them all to pair with the highest number they could, they naturally figured out their own number from the number of rejections and market demand they got.
    • Second, people tend to naturally identify mate value differences when they see a male or female with someone who seems to be on a higher level. They will ask questions like, “What does he see in her?” or they may assume the person is rich, high-status, or has great personality.
    • Note: I had to chime in here. I believe your mate value and demand can fluctuate depending on which country or region you travel to. Also, some people can still have a bad gauge and therefore be overconfident or unconfident of their mate value despite actual value (think Ugly Duckling Syndrome).
      • Someone also could get their mate value wrong if they base their value entirely off feedback from others and run into a bunch of people who express a lot more or a lot less demand than they should for a variety of possible random reasons or if a conclusive is formed based on very few data points.
      • Human mate value could be more subjective than a definitive number on your head that everyone else can agree with. Someone with lots of tattoos, for instance, could be a 9 for one person and a 4 for another. Maybe your mate value could be a lot higher than it is because of a failure to display your traits properly (for example, you could be wealthy and handsome, but you dress homeless and get negative feedback because of that).
      • Despite all these skeptical remarks, I still think that most people have a generally good natural measure of their value.
  • As the average beauty of a girl increases due to sexual selection, our subjective standard for what is beautiful increases as well. Beauty is relative and our opinion, therefore, keeps changing. The Red Queen’s endless cycle strikes again.
  • Nature and nurture are both incredibly important and influential factors for humans. One is most likely not overly dominant over the other.

Matt Ridley’s Own Advice to You

The author of the book, Matt Ridley, gave his own advice to young men in a podcast interview. You can read the show notes by clicking here or listen below:

Long story short, he says:

  • Have confidence in your future potential. Young men tend to underestimate how much they can accomplish over time.
  • Try and improve your ability to be linguistically fluent and never at a loss for words.   Women are attracted to someone who is never at a loss for words. He points to the actor George Clooney as an example because he is always linguistically fluent and well-spoken in all his films. He always has something to say.
  • Women seem to care less about physique than men (that’s not to say that it does not matter).
  • Men tend to believe that women are rarely interested in or biologically designed for short-term relationships, but studies show that is not always true. At certain points of their life, women can be just as interested as men in short-term mating.  

The Only Important Takeaways

Since the author admits that most of these points are still theory, you should probably not factor most of them into improving attractiveness too confidently unless they are the most obvious, clear points.  Here are a list of the takeaways that passed my standards. Most of these have studies that back them up, which I went into detail in above and you can learn even more about in the book. 

  • Develop proofs of high status.
  • Have relaxed, confident body language (leaning back, gesturing confidently, etc.).
  • Be more competitive, strong, dominant, determined, unintimidated by others, and ambitious (but not excessively). And show it.
  • Improve your ability to never be at a loss for words and verbal fluency.  
  • Focus less on the visual and more on improving her feelings, emotions, and responses to you and your touch (think erotica rather than porn).
  • Improve your physique (exercise and lift weights). But do not overestimate how much muscle you need to be attractive.
  • If you are looking for a mid to long-term partner, develop and demonstrate your character, trust, and skills as a father and husband (here are some ideas: babysit, volunteer, read parenting or relationship books).
  • Improve your confidence.
  • Improve your fashion and grooming.
  • Improve symmetry and height if possible (minor priority).

Conclusion and Book Review

The book brought up a lot of great ideas and taught me a lot about how natural selection works for humans and other species. The only thing that could have made it better is if it had a more practical angle and focused more on takeaways we could use to improve or mating lives.

Having said that, I can understand and respect why the author did not do it this way. He was humble enough to admit that most, if not all, of the theories and points in this book may be proved false one day, as have many once-well-accepted scientific concepts. It is important to realize that many of the points in this book are just theory so make sure you do not take them as fact.

Check out the book The Red Queen (affiliate link) if you want more details.

Now, I have a question and challenge for you:

What is the #1 thing you learned that you will use to improve your life immediately? Let me know in the comments.

And make sure you sign up for my email newsletter below by getting the free gift in the box below for value-packed updates like this one.

-Will

Views – 1055

How to overcome a scarcity mindset

How To Overcome A Scarcity Mentality And Develop A Winning Abundance Mentality Easily

I caught myself doing it again today.

When I was wrapping up my day at the gym, my scarcity mentality took over again and I found myself frozen still.

Seeing someone else triggered other moments during the week where I felt a similar way. How did that guy have such a ripped body at such a young age? How does she not have to worry about money? How could I ever meet a girl as pretty as that? After I broke free from paralysis, I smiled and got back to work.

It’s tough and natural to feel a bit jealous and like you do not have a lot of options, whether in your personal, financial, or dating life. What attitude we respond with matters. It affects our behavior and our future results.

While you may not see results on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis, your actions can compound into achievements you cannot even imagine ten years from now.

Today, I want to share how I eliminate the false, limiting belief of “scarcity” and the feeling of envy as soon as I spot it. Remembering that there is more than enough to go around can free you up to the money and life you desire.

Your belief and attitude can cripple you or give you the calm to succeed when you have been kicked down. Adopting an abundance mentality can really come back to you many times over. By being a go-giver, every moment you help out someone else comes back to you ten times over. But sometimes, it can take years for it to occur.

Once you have watched the video, I want to hear from you. Do you have any moments where the scarcity mentality kicks in? 

Tell me about them in the comments below. I cannot be the only one with this problem.

Remember to share as much detail as possible because it just might be the insight someone else reading this needs to make a breakthrough in our community here.

P.S. money and goal-setting are common themes in what I talk about. If you are interested in learning more, check out this article on goal-setting:

How To Achieve Any Goal – 10 Timeless Strategies

Thank you for reading, watching, and sharing.

Keep up the winner’s mentality,

Will

Views – 602

How to keep a conversation going

What To Say To Keep A Conversation Going: 42 Actionable Tips

Have you ever found yourself at a complete loss for words? Whether it’s talking to a girls, at a networking event, or trying to make new friends – being smooth with words does not come naturally for most of us (even though we know people find it attractive).

Sure, we all want to have an endless flow of things to say. But how?

Today, I am thrilled to bring you 42 tips on how to not run out of things to say.

In this video, learn:

  • how to keep the conversation flowing infinitely.
  • how to come up with topics from the other person.
  • how to learn what the other person is interested in and expand on that.
  • how to engage someone who is being cold and giving one-word answers.
  • specific, actionable strategies and acronyms to keep as your secret weapon.

As I mention in this video, I am just as bad (if not worse) at keeping a conversation going and if I can become a great conversationalist, you can too. Watch below:

Once you have had a chance to watch, I would love to hear from you. In the comments below, let me know:

What’s the most useful lesson you are taking away from the video and what’s a specific action you can take now to put it into action?

Remember, share as much detail as possible. Tons of positive, ambitious people come here every day for inspiration and help. Your story might be just what someone needed.

Thanks for watching, sharing, and reminding everyone why Thursday’s rock.

Keep up the dreams,

Will

Views – 505

best books to read to get smarter

5 Best Books To Read To Get Smarter

Do you ever feel overwhelmed or confused with so many books out there?

It can feel confusing deciding which book will actually help you. You don’t want to waste your time. Yet you really feel like excited and ambitious because you want to improve yourself.

In today’s podcast episode, I want to share with you the best books to read to get smarter. You will also learn what are healthy and unhealthy motivators to get smarter, and why obscure, historical, niche books like The Prince are not good books to read to demonstrate your intelligence.

Once you’ve had a chance to listen, I’d love to hear from you:

  1. Which book did you like best and why?
  2. Why do you want to be smarter?

Leave a comment below and let me know.

Remember, give as much detail as possible. Many ambitious people come here every day for knowledge and improvement and your input could be just what they need to change their lives.

Thanks so much for your positive vibes. I am thankful for your presence.

Oh, and if you’re a helpful person with a friend who would find this useful, share this. It could help them change their lives and reach the potential they want.

Stay ambitious,

Will

Views – 928