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what you can and can't change by martin seligman book summary and review

What You Can Change and What You Can’t by Martin Seligman Book Summary

When it comes to living a life free of unnecessary stress and anxiety that hold you back, you can’t dwell on what you can’t change. If you don’t have the ability to change something, then worrying about it will only make you more sad and limit your potential.

For example, if a man can’t change his height but can improve his work ethic, feeling sad about his height and dwelling about that all the time as the reason you can’t get girls will only make you enjoy life less and make you suffer more.

However, he can focus on learning how to work harder, which can improve his wealth, fashion, appearance, physique, social intelligence, and empathy — all areas that improve his attraction to get him girls.

But what can we change and what can we not change? Nowadays, there are a lot of different opinions on where to draw the line from gurus on social media and blogs.

Let’s turn to the most credible sources in science. Martin Seligman is one of the most famous and respected scientists in the self help movement for pioneering the field of positive psychology. His short book, What You Can and Cannot Change, exposes the truth behind the myths out there.

I learned some incredible stuff about what you can and cannot change, as well as some credible truth about basic psychology from the book:

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How To stop being a perfectionist

How To Stop Being A Perfectionist

Most overachievers have point struggled with how to stop being a perfectionist. They’re ambitious but they fall under the trap that you have to be perfect before you can deliver anything.

But deep down, we all know that being a perfectionist isn’t a good thing. It leads to analysis paralysis. It leads to situations where your performance suffers because you procrastinate and miss deadlines.

Or you could be too focused on perfecting something to ever execute and achieve your dreams because you or your creation is still “not good enough.”
Here are some steps that might help you defeat procrastination.
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The Five Why’s Analysis Method: The Key to Happiness

I used to think I was smarter than others.

I was learning about personal finance and saving money while others were splurging so I could become rich.

I was asking for books and courses for Christmases and birthdays while others were asking for clothes and shoes so that the money invested would grow rather than decay through what was purchased.

I was working out every day while others watched Netflix.

In theory, this would make me happier. But it didn’t work out that way.

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Why procrastinators procrastinate

The blog, Wait But Why, has a popular article on why procrastinators procrastinate. The summary of it is that people procrastinate because the long-term thinking part of your brain gets overtaken by the “Instant gratification monkey.”

This monkey plays in the “Dark playground” of unproductive activities, like watching pranks on YouTube, until you’re up against a deadline. Then, the “Panic Monster” arrives, which forces you to get back on track.

I loved the fun characters used to illustrate this, but I think it misses the mark on the core of why we procrastinate. The playful story may even be diverting your attention from the main cause of procrastination.

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Nutrition Secrets of the world's longest living people

30 Nutrition Secrets of the World’s Longest Living People

If you want to maximize the return of money and happiness over your lifetime, a core part of that is increase how long you live. 

It’s simple enough: the longer you live, the more life you have to enjoy and the longer your money can grow.

People easily sacrifice 20 to 30 years of life span by destroying their diet, fitness, nutrition, and lifestyle. But this is a massive opportunity for someone like you, who cares enough to read this article, because you can get that life back and live better than the average person.

None of this is theory. It’s based on extensive research from the book, 50 Secrets of the Longest Living People.

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No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover Book Summary & Review

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover Book Summary & Review (Plus an Exclusive Interview)

“There are no perfect relationships. There are no perfect partners. Relationships by their very nature are chaotic, eventful, and challenging.”
― Robert A. Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy

One of the books that has had the most profound impact on my life is Dr. Robert Glover’s No More Mr. Nice Guy.

The book uncovers:

  • the truth about the stereotypical Nice Guy
  • why modern society has created so many of them
  • why they fail to get the relationships and career success they crave
  • how to take back your life in an honest, non-manipulative way without becoming a jerk

It also goes into detailed stories of many of his Nice Guy clients and specific steps on how to break free from this behavior.

Dr. Glover understands Nice Guys deeply, having coached thousands of them as a licensed psychotherapist. He adeptly addresses specific common questions like, “Why is it a bad thing to be nice?” and “How do I talk to a girl without making it seem like I’m hitting on her?”

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How To American: An Immigrant’s Guide to Disappointing Your Parents by Jimmy Yang Book Summary & Review

So I read How To American – An Immigrant’s Guide to Disappointing Your Parents by Jimmy O. Yang. Well, I read a good portion of it.

That’s right, I didn’t read every word of the book, but you can still learn a lot without reading an entire book.

If you’re not familiar, Jimmy is a 30-year old Hong-Kong American actor who plays Jian Yang on the hit TV show, Silicon Valley. He wrote a whole book on his life journey and Asian immigrant struggles. It’s a must-read for any Asian American because it hits on themes we struggle with unique to us.

It was fantastic and shocking at times. Here’s what I learned…

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Cara Delevingne on Happiness, Imposter Syndrome, Overwork, Therapy & the Beauty in Flaws

Cara Delevingne on Happiness, Imposter Syndrome, Overwork, Therapy & the Beauty in Flaws

“Be comfortable in your own shoes because you’re going to be in them for a while.” – Cara Delevigne

Cara DeLevigne’s speech during the Women in the World summit has touched me on multiple levels, even though I’m not a woman. I’ve watched it numerous times since it’s release.

With 41 million followers on Instagram, this supermodel spoke about many issues we can relate to, which surprised me immensely because I didn’t think she would struggle with these issues because of her success, a common misconception society has. In her chat, Cara talks about:

  • not knowing who you are
  • having a mental breakdown
  • dropping out of high school at 17
  • dealing with therapy and anti-depressants
  • how your flaws are what make you special
  • how writing helped her by articulating how she felt
  • trying to do well in school to please her parents but failing
  • meeting people who want to use her for what she can provide
  • being a goofball and nothing like the personality of a normal model
  • how mental illness and depression aren’t something to be ashamed of
  • how she always wanted to change the world growing up, like most kids
  • how she started yoga for fun, but stayed with it for the spiritual and therapy
  • how people who rejected her in the past in the industry were now all over her
  • having the imposter syndrome: not feeling like she deserved her success and feeling like she got lucky living some one’s dream life.
  • how she didn’t feel like she could complain or feel bad about any of the internal battles she had because of her fabulous external life
  • how she couldn’t say no to any opportunity after success because she remembered how difficult it was before and how this caused her to overwork and get stress-induced psoriasis, which gave her big welts all over her body and made her feel disgusting
  • how she wished someone would have just told her to take a break, but no one did
  • the importance of saying no to take control of your life, something she has now learned how to do (similar to Lady Gaga’s lessons with learning saying no to opportunity during her talk at the Emotion Revolution Summit)
  • how her modeling agency treated the symptoms of her psoriasis but not the underlying cause to get her back on the runway as soon as possible to make more money
  • just because you’re successful, rich, famous, good-looking, or loved doesn’t mean you will be happy
  • how you should dream bigger. Many girls tell her that they want to be models, but she thinks genetic engineers, astronauts, and presidents are cooler
  • how she wasn’t treated seriously and looked down on by other actors when she tried to break into the acting industry
  • how she grew up believing that showing any emotion, including crying, was weakness
  • the bad parts of the modeling industry: constantly being told you’re not good enough, measuring your worth as a person by rejections at work, photographers who only do the job to sleep with women, and models who don’t stand up for themselves who get used by photographers because they feel like they should be used

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I meditated for a year. Here's what happened

I Experimented With Meditation For A Year and a Half. Here’s What Happened (Complete Guide)

A year ago, I started an experiment. After hearing all the hype from successful people about how meditation, I took it up for the first time in my life. And I documented my journey with data.

I used the app, Insight Timer, the best free meditation app out there. It logs all the free guided meditations I listen to on there and breaks down the stats. According to the app, I have meditated a total of 56 hours and 27 minutes for a daily average of 10 minutes.

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Ben Franklin's Autobiography: A Quick Book Summary & Review

Ben Franklin’s Autobiography: A Quick Book Summary & Review

Ben Franklin is one of the most influential people of American History. Hundreds of years after his death, he’s still seen as a role model by many, including the billionaire, Charlie Munger.

He was a successful inventor and businessman. He helped build the great American government and economy. His foresight into the power of compound interest helped turn his $2,000 donation to the country at his death into $6.5 million.

Ben’s philosophies in life are still influencing many people today. His concepts of pursuing health, wealth, and happiness even impacted Tim Ferriss to structure his best-selling book Tools of Titans around these concepts.

Here’s a busy man’s book summary of Ben’s autobiography, a book I’ve been wanting to read for year that I finally got to:

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The Fung Bros Give Advice to Asian Americans on Success, Excuses, Dating, and Social Media Growth

The Fung Bros Give Advice to Asian Americans on Success, Excuses, Dating, and Social Media Growth

The Fung Brothers are a Chinese-American duo consisting of comedians and rappers, Andrew Fung and David Fung. They have a successful Hip Hop foodie and streetwear YouTube channel, with almost 2 million subscribers.

Here’s my interview with them. We talk Asian American obstacles, overcoming excuses, social media growth tips, dating & wealth advice, and more.

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On Celebrating & Appreciating Asian Pacific American Heritage Month

On Celebrating & Appreciating Asian Pacific American Heritage Month

The month of May is Asian Pacific American Heritage Month! The history of this appreciation month dates back to 1978 when U.S. Congress passed a resolution to celebrate the culture for a week. Like other cultural appreciation weeks, they later extended it to a full month.

Many Asian Americans have insecurity, shame, or hidden disgrace when it comes to their race because they perceive it to be lower status in American culture. We have to stop doing this and stop shooting ourselves in the foot with self-pity and defeatism. This month is a great month to do so. My mother has been a strong supporter of feeling proud of your ancestry. 13 years ago, I competed in a state-wide history project presentation. Hundreds of three-board poster boards filled up the the cafeteria and gymnasium that the competition was housed in.

But I stood out like a red lantern. Literally.

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How To Master Your Asian Masculinity & Live The Life You Want with Kevin Kreider

How To Master Your Asian Masculinity & Live The Life You Want with Kevin Kreider

Kevin Kreider is an Asian American male model, life coach, speaker, fitness trainer, social media influencer, and bodybuilding competitor.

As a child, he was bullied for his skinny figure and race, while struggling with Tourette’s Syndrome. Kevin has won several natural bodybuilding competitions and spoke at TEDx. Now, he helps other Asian American men cultivate their Asian American masculinity through life coaching.

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Views – 647

How To Deal With Typical Strict Asian Parents

How To Deal With Strict Asian Parents (Even If You Can’t Change Them)

So you have strict Asian parents.

They over-controlling. They have unreasonable rules. They set ridiculous expectations and talk down to you. Maybe it doesn’t even end into adulthood.

How do you deal with this?

We all want to be happier. But when we’re young, it seems impossible to deal with. Here are some tips I’ve learned from studying successful communicators and experience:

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Views – 447

How to live a fulfilling life

This Is How To Find Meaning in Your Life (Backed by Research)

Despite being young, I’ve come across a decent amount of people my age who have been diagnosed with cancer.

It makes me wonder what I would do if I were to die in a month from now. It’s a powerful exercise that I suggest you do from time to time to make sure you’re not wasting your life. Cancer can happen to you and you don’t want to have a lot of regret from spending your life ineffectively.

I suggest having a month left to live because a day is too short and a year is too long. If you do the exercise centered around dying tomorrow, it’d be more for identifying regrets than identifying what you can do something about.

I want to start off the exercise to show you what I’d do if I were to die soon…

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