I got a question:
“I’m driving myself to insanity with over-thinking, self-analysis, self-doubt, self-loathing, internal misery and zero action. What do I do?”
Well, you’re talking to the king of overthinking. I’m definitely in the top 1% of overthinking and over-analyzing everything (I mean just look at this blog).
I didn’t think I was that bad until I started journaling all the thoughts I remembered happening after dates or stressful situations. I ended up with essays that were multiple pages long analyzing every issue. These thoughts included:
“If I say this, will I look weird?”
“They’re judging me because I’m one of the only Asians here.”
“Do I look weird or awkward? Why aren’t they talking to me? Do they hate me?”
When I showed it to people I trust, they were blown away by how much I thought. For some guys, all they think about during a single date is “This is going well.”
Yet I’ve been able to see noticeable progress by experimenting with a lot of tactics, including meditation, which has dramatically helped me stay present in the moment.
Listen to this new podcast episode for a full answer:
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Consult Others You Trust
Passing my essay to a group of men I trust online (this can be an online forum but preferably someone in person — I recommend the Order of Man Facebook group) helps give realistic feedback. When you’re in your own delusional world, you can’t tell what you’re doing wrong.
For me, these men identified the overthinking as a prime issue when I had it far down my list as a potential problem.
One of them told me that their only thoughts during a date where “She was pretty. It went well.” That really put into perspective a mentally healthier benchmark to aim for.
Meditation isn’t for anyone and it takes a lot of time to ramp up. But it helps. It really helps identify how many thoughts the average person has through their day and how tough it is to just be present and enjoy the moment. I started with just two minutes a day so I didn’t burn out but now, I love and appreciate it. It’s been a year since I started.
I recommend Insight Timer App. It has thousands of guided meditations of many categories from some of the top meditation leaders, all for free – no upsells or hidden app purchases.
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